Dependence

With a few decades of lingo under our belts when it comes to "dependence" and "co-dependence," I notice in my corner of The Universe a great deal of un-ease and what I think are misunderstandings when it comes to this subject.

Back in the day when I was a psychotherapist, people would use the term "co-dependence" so readily and with such disdain. My rant, then, was typically a suggestion to simply drop the "co" from the equation. If you're dependent, I reasoned, then who cares about the other person? Dependence is dependence, and I still believe that, as it pertains to the notion of being dependent upon someone for our happiness or comfort or joy or whatever it may be. Yet there is also a bit of baby-with-the-bathwater to all of this conversation.

That's because of the concept of inter-dependence. Inter-dependence is encapsulated in the we belong to the planet, not the planet to us SW concept. That's because one of the ways Nature manages itself is to be inter-dependent. Green plants depend on the sun for photosynthesis; squirrels depend on acorns from the trees for sustenance; bats depend on the darkness to make their contributions and on and on and on it goes.

When we, in our friendships and romantic relationships and families and communities of all shapes and sizes choose to depend on one another for various things (e.g., I depend on you to pick the kids up at 3 every day as you depend on me to be at work and earn money), we mirror the nature of Nature and align ourselves with well being. Nothing in Nature that is utterly dependent or utterly independent ever survives and it is the same for us. When we healthfully depend on one another based on voluntary agreements we make, we are in the flow.

It simply feels good to know that we are contributing to the well being of another as they contribute to ours.